[9.1] Instant Crush: The Greatest School Festival!

[dad]

Giorgio would feel even more disorientated once Colm got up, his gigantic TV face accidentally colliding with the boy's chin. This caused a stinging pain to his jaw, something Colm didn't notice (not like he would have cared anyways). "BE GENTLE WITH THAT BEAUTY! IT'S WORTH TEN TIMES MORE THAN YOUR SCRAPPY MECH!" Colm warned Nat, insulting Lightning at the same time. Thankfully, Nat was sort of a seasoned pilot right now, having been in more mech missions than the average rebel. She was probably annoyed at having to participate in so many mech battles. Maybe she would be able to unwind and relax in the future.

Meanwhile, Simon's worries had been unfounded. There was no battle occurring inside the theater, just the antics of a bunch of Stand users with mechs. The presence of the chaotic Colm didn't exactly help either, due to how 'eccentric' he was. "Hurt? You mean like how that robo loser over there kicked your butt?" Tomato pelted insults at Simon yet again. "Wow, you had him tied up and all and let him escape anyways? Looooooser." She stated.

"Alright, we're ready now!" Spike declared once Lightning had adjusted the ancient mech. "Hurry up, hurry up! We gotta get some practice done by the end of the day, we've wasted enough time already!" He shouted, rushing around and opening cabinets in the theater before he quickly arrived with a huge pile of scripts. He rudely tossed them at everyone's face and at Nat's cockpit, the paper sliding off as she was forced to leave the mech and collect it. 

"Dickhead!" Tomato spouted after receiving a script straight to the face. Thankfully, she didn't unload 3000 tons of lead on Spike and instead focused on the script in front of her. So did everyone else really due to Spike's obnoxious attitude. The rebels started reading the thing and found it....surprisingly accurate. While it didn't divulge more sensitive information, such as their identities, the location of their base and their '''leader''', it still displayed a lot of information about the missions they had completed. Everything from the group's first task involving the conquest of Major Lazer's base to the fight for the UN space base was written. Spike honestly did a good job: This was the most accurate report on the rebels that--

No, wait a second. The identities of the pilots weren't known, but the mechs were...and so was their performance in battle. Simon read the script, which was more akin to a document at this point, and noticed a blurry picture of Sgt. Pepper. Next to it was a hypothetical profile of what kind of person the pilot of Sgt. Pepper would be, considering their performance in battle. The oddest thing about this was that the profile hadn't been written by Spike, but was apparently just a congregation of information from online forums which had obtained leaked footage of the mech fights.

Participated in a lot of missions, constantly defeated UN mechs and soldiers with ease. Large presence in battles might mean that the pilot is some sort of seasoned war veteran. Lack of mercy towards 'enemy' soldiers indicates that the pilot is some sort of 'blood knight', constantly seeking the thrill of battle and danger. Commonly called the 'Bloody Baron' by fans and pro-rebel forums.

...What the heck?! This wasn't how Simon was at all! Did they really assume his entire personality out of a few, blurry mech fights? He felt a bit offended, especially since he was being compared to some brutal warlord or something. 

Meanwhile, Nat had a similar reaction.

Participated in too many mech missions. Mech is extremely sturdy and bulky, but often blew up in missions. Therefore, fans have started mocking the mech with nicknames such as "100% Mars Quality" or "Papier-mâché Bot". Since it is extremely unlikely for a pilot to survive so many explosions, it is theorized that the mech is actually being piloted by an advanced AI. Because of this, lots of fans have found the deployment of said mech questionable since it was comparable to deploying armed drones against human enemies. Is commonly nicknamed "Qtπ" by the fans that are fond of the AI theory. Footage of this mech's battles was first unveiled on a forum by the enigmatic user, "STUMFOL".

Giorgio was also particularly displeased.

Wasn't very present in missions. For months his existence was considered an internet myth before footage of him during the space mission was leaked. Fans were extremely disappointed, thinking that the mech's entire body was just part of a bigger mech. Unfortunately, that didn't turn out to be true. The mech is now commonly nicknamed "Baldy" because of its appearance and it has become a meme on certain pro-rebel forums where the users blame the rebellion's failures on Baldy. Due to the lack of presence in missions, the pilot is constantly derided and made fun of, people thinking that they are either a coward or a defective AI. Memes of the pilot have also surfaced with people pretending to be the pilot and posting about how they do questionable things inside of Baldy during every mission, explaining why they rarely do anything during missions.

"I...I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS." Colm muttered, reading the script. "THIS...THIS IS ALL TRUE!" He declared, confusing all of the rebels...before he showed them the page which listed a profile on a mysterious scientist that got kidnapped during the space mission. This one described the scientist as a 'great genius' who had developed 'incredible technology' that would help defeat the UN. Of course Colm would like that sort of profile.

"I know, right? It took me weeks to compile so much information, but there you have it! This is the closest we'll get to actual profiles of the pilots." Spike revealed, crossing his arms with a satisfied look on his face. The poor thing really thought that all of this information was correct...

"Now, who wants to play who? Keep in mind you'll have to audition for that role..." He muttered.

"Oh, me!" Tomato quickly raised her hand. "I wanna play Bloody Baron, if you don't mind!" She WHAT?! "So, do I just get in the mech and--"

"Yeah, get in and we'll check if you're suited!" Spike said, letting Tomato head inside Sgt. Pepper's cockpit. Simon's heart was now filled with righteous fury.

---

Derek and Alex kept cleaning the area, ironically doing their job quite well as the grass and roads were now devoid of bottles and cans. Rene and Lene had left and the rest of the rebels were probably still in the theater. However, if what they said earlier was right, they were practicing for the play. If they headed there, they would probably interrupt them, so it was up to them to decide whether or not to barge in. Besides that there was also the matter regarding a machine that would be deployed tomorrow. Judging by Lene's description of it, it would be a tough obstacle to overcome. Sabotaging the device was an option, but they would have to be discreet about it. Plus, the two UN soldiers were probably still hanging around the school. Fighting them was probably a bad idea, especially since Rene's abilities were unknown and Lene had taken out Xavier in an instant according to Alan.

[siegwardofcatarina]

Derek diligently cleaned up until Rene was finally gone. Once the stuck up officer had left, Derek could finally make a move. The security device would pose a huge problem tomorrow, but maybe the rebels didn’t have to deal with it.

Derek walked into the theater, the other rebels and the school kids were preparing for the play, and Colm was here as well. He was annoying, but it was good that he was in sight and not with the UN.

“Simon? You dropped your wallet outside.” Derek announced while holding up a wallet. In actuallity it was Derek’s wallet, hopefully Simon would get the message.

[Nat]

'And you are worth less than used panties.' Natalie retorted with practiced ease, a worrisome side effect perhaps, of hanging around people with perverse interests for so long. She hurriedly opened the cockpit to catch Spike's script before it fell all the way to the floor, sliding down her mech as she flipped through the pages in fascination.

However, that fascination soon turned into confusion, then indignance, as she got to the character profiles, specifically her own part, and even more specifically, the AI theory and that one mystery user with a name that aroused nothing but bad memories out of her. She would rather be called dumb than being compared to...to an AI! She felt tainted just reading that name in large print!

Colm's exclamation was the final nail in the coffin. Riled but without a proper outlet to complain, Natalie directed her anger at the TV man and drove her boot into his bum. 'Quiet, you are not helping.' She fumed, then rapped the script with her knuckles and turned to Spike. 'Online forums...really, Spike? Who taught you that fan theories circulating the forums are to be trusted? This...this "STUMFOL" person sounds mighty suspicious if you ask me.'

[killeroftheminge]

The script smacked Simon's face, the boy distracted by his own crippling embarrassment to heed the paper's fast approach. Pulling it away from his smarting face (the thing was surprisingly dense), Simon flips through its pages. Everything...was kind of on point. Simon was amazed, but also a little nervous at how Spike had compiled all of this data. He didn't even know their mech names were known to the public! 

"Wow, Spike this is...c-comprehens-s-sive..." Simon says, rapidly flipping through before getting to the Mech Pilot profiles. WHAT?! He had profiles on them?! Where had he gotten all of this information, did he not put two and tw-

Oh. These weren't their real names, just descriptions...wrong ones! Simon's face blanches as he reads his description. Bloody Baron?! I'm not a bloody baron! I was scared to death during that first assault, and here they're framing me as some sort of...of psychopath!

"Uh...wow, it's kind of impressive that th-they gathered all this from...forums," Simon takes another look, still shaking from reading the script. Oh god, was this how the U.N. saw him?! As some sort of warlord, what if they make him a top priority?! The fight with Danger was tense enough, there was no way he'd handle all sorts of firepower being directed at him! He didn't even do anything that impressive, he just helped fight! 

"Yeah, I m-mean from what I heard, the guy in the p-pink one is more...laid back, cool, sort of, like he doesn't want t-trouble...that's what I heard, a-anyway," Simon trails off, fluffing his ego a bit with that last part. He has not time to enjoy it, however, as he watches Tomato scramble up to the cockpit of Sgt. Pepper. WHAT?! No...no, anything but her! Another thought crossed his mind though. Even if Tomato found all of the systems online, even if she discovered Simon was the pilot of this REAL mech...

All of that paled in comparison to the discovery if she found the panties that Colm has been uploading! 

"Uh, I-I'll audition for Bloody Baron too! We all should have a chance to audition for the p-parts, right?" He says. Of course, he knew for a fact he wasn't the most intimidating figure, so he'd have to do his best to try and out act Tomato! That would have to wait though, since Derek enters the theater once more...with his wallet? Simon, oblivious to the reason Derek came in, rushes over. "I'll b-be back, remember I'm auditioning for Bloody Baron! Remember! Oh, hey, th-thanks Derek! I guess in the confusion I wasn't paying attention, hehehe," Simon chuckles holding his hand out for the wallet. Derek would have to spell it out

[MoeSenpai]

"B-B-Baldy? W-What? Why am I the laughing stock of the... I mean why is he the laughing stock of the rebellion? I heard pretty awesome stuff of him. Everyone I know thinks he is cool and all, ya know? Heck, he managed to transform a mech once! None of the others did it." Giorgio pointed at his script. "The script needs much more work before I participate in the theater. At least the "Baldy" character. Or else you can search a new pilot!" Giorgio proclaimed.

[siegwardofcatarina]

Derek lightly smacked Simon on the head with the wallet. "The UN is starting to tighten their grip on the school." He whispered to Simon. "Is Colm secured? Do you know where the fuel went?"

[killeroftheminge]

"Uh...w-well, define secured," Simon says, rubbing his head as he looked back. Colm was gushing over the script while Nat unleashes her full anger on his ass, tossing him away while clambering into her own mech. Giorgio...well, Giorgio was being Giorgio. Selfish, for the most part. 

"Colm should be f-fine, Giorgio managed to convince the others he's a robot he b-b-built. As for the fuel, well, Spike already used it in that thing," Simon points to the rustic mech in question, it's ancient stature making it stick out like a sore thumb against the shinier Rebel mechs. 

"That couldn't have been all of it, though, I mean surely th-there's more, right? That can't have been all it would have t-taken to power the sp...space bridge. We can keep Colm here, b-but we have to make sure our mechs are secured and that none of the other students get to them. You, Alan and the others will have t-to work without us..." Simon says, a little glumly. He's been looking forward to actually participating in some of the espionage, but it looks like he'll have to brace the high school drama a bit more. 

[dad]

"OW!" Colm blurted, painfully clenching his butt after receiving Nat's attack. His relevance soon faded, however, as Nat and Giorgio angrily stormed towards Spike, questioning the information on his script. Spike just looked dumbfounded, wondering why they were acting all uppity about it.

"Huh? Those are just the most common fan theories right now. Of course this stuff might not be real, but the fanbase doesn't care! Everyone just latched on to the most popular fan theories and it became some kind of inside joke." Spike explained, revealing the treacherous nature of internet forums and social media. "Our play has to please the masses, so obviously sticking to what everyone already likes is key here." 

"Woooooow!" Tomato giggled while leaning next to Sgt. Pepper. "You neanderthals really haven't heard about this? News flash: The rebellion is the most popular thing that happened on this rock for years! It's filled my dash, my twitter, my home page and so on. You losers really need to get up with the times!" She haughtily laughed. 

"Also...Baldy?" Spike asked. "No-one cares about that character. I'm surprised they even bothered to make a replica of their mech, really!" He said, tapping the nearby Brainwasher. This meant that Giorgio would have to do the least amount of work, but was he really fine with being a nonentity? "If anyone's playing Baldy, they will be an extra. Probably gonna appear only for a few scenes too. Oh and is anyone good at sounding robotic? We need that for Qtpie." He pointed at Lightning. Wait, so if Nat wanted to enter Lightning's mech, she had to speak like a robot? 

"Uhhh, so do I get the role or not?" Tomato then abruptly asked, apparently wanting to play the terrifying Bloody Baron. 

"Oh, hold up." Spike turned around, searching for Simon before finding him. "Oh, there he is! Simon, YOU'RE WASTING OUR FUCKING TIME YA KNOW?! GET BACK HERE AND DO YOUR SHITTY ASS AUDITION!" He growled, returning to the vulgar tone he used to have. Perhaps he simply needed to let that out every once in a while, but poor Simon would definitely be startled.

[siegwardofcatarina]

Looks like Simon was being called back. “Double check with Colm. If it’s enough fuel, we leave now. If not, just get Colm off campus as soon as possible. I don’t care how you do it. In the meantime, I’ll do what I can to throw a wrench into the UN’s search net.” Derek whispered before letting Simon go. He was slow to actually leave the theater, just in case there was enough fuel in that ancient mech to power the space gate.

[killeroftheminge]

Simon jumped slightly, his ears reddening at how easily he was frightened by Spike's outburst. "Y-yeah, of course! My...my mistake," he says, waving back. He turns one last time to Derek, giving him a nod as he rushes back to the group. "I'll send you a message, I'm n-not gonna get a chance alone with him right now, you and the others just f-focus on those UN soldiers,"

With that, Simon makes his way back, wringing his hands as he took in all of the new information while simultaneously thinking about how to get the part of 'bloody baron.' He'd have to dig deep, be fierce and strong, boastful and powerful in his-

A clang echoed around his head, the boy not paying attention to his surroundings as he winds up on his ass. He had walked right into the leg of Sgt Pepper (not his first time, unfortunately) after getting stuck in his own head, the impact flooring him. He lifts a hand to his nose, noticing a smear of blood across his palm that he tried to wipe away in a panic. Well, this certainly didn't boast confidence in his ability to act.

"Sorry! S-Sorry, uh...wh-where do I go, just in the cockpit? Who aud-ditions f-first?"

[Nat]

'Lightning is not a Q-T-PIE! He's cool and...and intimidating!' Okay. That was stretching it a bit far, but the way things were going, Natalie felt like she had to do it or the next thing she knew, Spike would actually start turning her mech into some sort of mascot. However, that wasn't even half her problems!

'Do we really need robot speak to qualify for the role?' She asked ruefully, then dragged Colm back into relevance by his pant leg and dumped him at Spike's feet. 'You know, here's a robot, can't I just borrow his voice box for that on the day of the play? I'm sure he'll be fine being quiet for a day.'

[MoeSenpai]

"I... I am n-not a baldie..." Giorgio began to pout. This was a devastating blow for him. He was always a little bit worried that the UN would eventually find out about him and he would get his father into trouble as well, but... this was even a worse fate. Anything would be better than being the laughing stock of a revolution. Most other rebellions are usually forgotten after a while, but being the joke of a movement usually lasts for an eternity. Especially on the day and age of the internet. No, this isn't what Giorgio wanted to be connected with. Fortunately for him there is a chance how he would get rid of his wrong, but official title.

"I... I'll do it. I'll play Cutiepie. I am pretty good in making a robotic voice!"

[Nat]

Natalie’s mouth twitched as she slowly turned around to face Giorgio. For a moment, it seemed as if she was going to do something incredibly rude to the boy, but then the moment passed. She beamed sweetly at Giorgio, though there was no warmth beneath that cordial expression.

‘You'll do no such thing.’ Natalie continued beaming, dragging Colm up by the collar of his coat with Magic Blue Van. ‘Or I’ll have no choice but to borrow his voice box right here and now so I can audition for the same role. You’ll be fine with it right? After all, with your skills, you can easily build another robot assisstant in no time at all~’

She gave the TV man a little rattle to further prove her point. She wasn’t really going to do it, but she figured Colm would be quite an effective hostage for dealing with Giorgio.

[MoeSenpai]

Giorgio looked at her for a couple of seconds. Slowly he began to approach her, as if he was going to try and stop her from doing this. But just before he could grab either Nat or Colm he suddenly stopped. He looked at both for a few seconds before he turned his head towards lightning. It seemed like he was in an internal struggle whether he should abandon his reputation for one of the biggest geniuses that exists in this world or sacrifice him to get rid of his title as the joke of the rebellion. "Errr... I... Hmmm..." He wasn't able to find the right words so he simply mumbled awkwardly. But then, suddenly and without any warning he was sprinting towards lightning and climbed inside like a little monkey.

"I am sorry Nat, but I refuse to play the joke of the rebellion. I am important. I did things. I can't be some fatso that just stays home and jerks into his sock. I hope you can forgive me!" He yelled while trying to locl Lightning's door. "I'll take the script later, once it's a little bit safer in here, alright?" He said to the boy with a hedge-hog for his head.

[dad]

"Yeah, sure! Let's just get things started already..." Spike muttered, not really noticing the animosity between Nat and Giorgio. "Simon, get in the fucking robot!" He shouted, handing the kid a script as he waited for him to enter his mech. "Uh, Giorgio bot?" He then looked at Colm, convinced that he was a machine just like Giorgio had said. "Could you go check on the mechs that aren't being used right now? We'll need them later!" He ordered.

"HEY! I'M NO BOT!" Colm retaliated before realizing that this was his chance to tinker with some machinery. "BUT I'LL OBLIGE. LEAVE IT TO ME!" He declared, scurrying away as he observed the mechs one by one and noticed an odd one there: Derek's mech. He remembered it vividly, since he had fought the rebel back at the space station. They were cold, ruthless and they completely ruined his tank mech! Colm grubbed his hands, snickering to himself as he realized that this was his chance at revenge. He slowly climbed up Derek's mech and started making some modifications...

"Hey, I called dibs earlier!" Tomato intervened, irritated that Simon got to audition first, especially since she had already climbed up Sgt. Pepper. Spike shook his head. "You're both going to audition anyways, the order doesn't matter! Now can we please get a move on?" He was getting annoyed, the play having been stalled by the test and other misadventures. Not it was the time to act...Except Simon didn't feel like acting now that he had read the script. It was a double audition where both Giorgio and he were involved. He would play the Bloody Baron and give orders to QTpie...

Bloody Baron
(Cackles maniacally) QTpie, give me a battle report!

QTpie
BZZT-BZZT! WE HAVE CURRENTLY SUFFERED HEAVY CASUALTIES. AT THIS RATE, OUR ATTEMPT TO CAPTURE THE NORTH UN BASE WILL END IN FAILURE. SUGGESTION: IMMEDIATE RETREAT.

Bloody Baron
(Slaps QTpie)Foolishness! Are Martians so pathetic that they would rather cower in fear instead of rebelling against UN dogs?! Disgusting!

Bloody Baron
(Turns to audience)Bring me to them! I don't care if they are enemies or allies...I'll slaughter them all!(Stomps the floor)I'll bathe in their blood, crush their mechs until the UN base is nothing but a graveyard!

QTpie
BZZT! IT IS NOT RECOMMENDED TO ELIMINATE OUR OWN ALLIES.

Bloody Baron
(Shoves QTpie)Oh, shut up! You're just a machine, you would never understand how a true warrior feels like! Cowardice is unacceptable, they would be better off dead!

Well, this looked terrible. Simon already didn't like the dialogue, but actually acting the thing out? It sounded impossible. 

"Hey, get your script too!" Spike said, throwing a roll of paper at Giorgio's cockpit and hoping he'd catch it.

---

Derek didn't receive a response from Simon. The boy was probably too busy trying to keep up appearances. There wasn't much left for the rebel to do besides doing some actual janitor work for once or trying to find out the stash with the mysterious weapons that would track down Colm tomorrow. At least he was glad that the day was almost over.